“There seem to be so many coaches these days.”
I hear that quite a lot.
Usually at networking events.
Sometimes accompanied by a smile.
Occasionally accompanied by a slightly glazed expression as somebody tries to work out the difference between a life coach, business coach, mindset coach, executive coach, leadership coach and relationship coach.
If I’m honest, I understand the confusion.
There are a lot of coaches.
And if you’ve never worked with one before, it can be difficult to know what type of support you need, whether coaching is right for you at all, or how to choose somebody you trust.
Those are all sensible questions.
So perhaps a better place to start is this:
When people come to me, what are they actually looking for?
In This Article You’ll Discover
- What relationship coaching is
- What coaching isn’t
- Why people come to see me
- What happens during a coaching session
- How I use Positive Psychology and PASEDA360
- Whether coaching might be right for you
Most People Don’t Come Looking For A Coach
They come looking for clarity.
The coach bit comes later.
People rarely contact me saying:
“I need relationship coaching.”
More often they say things like:
“I don’t know what to do.”
“I feel stuck.”
“We’ve stopped talking properly.”
“I don’t know whether to stay or leave.”
“Something doesn’t feel right.”
“I feel lost.”
“I know things need to change but I don’t know where to start.”
They’re not usually looking for coaching.
They’re looking for understanding.
They’re looking for space.
They’re looking for clarity.
Coaching Isn’t About Telling You What To Do
This is one of the biggest misconceptions.
People sometimes arrive expecting advice.
A list of instructions.
A solution.
A verdict.
Should I stay?
Should I leave?
Should I change jobs?
Should I forgive them?
Should I retire?
The truth is that I don’t live your life.
And I don’t believe somebody else should make your decisions for you.
My role is not to tell you what to do.
My role is to help you understand yourself, your situation and your options more clearly.
Because when people gain clarity, they usually make better decisions.
Not because I’ve told them what to do.
Because they can finally hear themselves think.
Not Every Conversation Starts With A Problem
One of the most popular sessions I offer is a complimentary Joy & Flow taster session.
These are offered to people I’ve met face-to-face through networking events, business groups, community organisations and professional introductions.
There is a reason I do this.
Many people have never experienced coaching before.
They don’t know what to expect.
And they certainly don’t want to sit down with a complete stranger and immediately discuss the most painful parts of their life.
So we don’t.
Instead, we explore questions such as:
- What’s going well in your life right now?
- What feels strong?
- What are you grateful for?
- What gives you joy?
- When do you feel most like yourself?
The conversation is deliberately non-threatening.
Not superficial.
Just safe.
Many people leave surprised by what emerges when somebody genuinely listens without judgement, interruption or an agenda.
Sometimes they discover they don’t need coaching at all.
Sometimes they discover they would like to explore something further.
Either outcome is perfectly okay.
Why People Choose Me
This is often the question behind the question.
Not:
“What is coaching?”
But:
“How would I know if you’re the right coach for me?”
The honest answer is that not everybody is.
And that’s okay.
Some people choose me because of my relationship specialism.
Some because of my background in Positive Psychology.
Some because of my work with PASEDA360.
Some because they want somebody practical rather than fluffy.
Some because they have met me at a networking event and already feel comfortable talking to me.
And some because they’ve experienced a Joy & Flow session and realised that what they really needed was permission to stop, think and reflect.
Coaching is a relationship.
Trust matters.
Connection matters.
Feeling comfortable matters.
What Happens During A Coaching Session?
Every session is different because every person is different.
Some sessions are thoughtful and reflective.
Some are emotional.
Some are practical.
Some involve laughter.
Most involve a combination of listening, questioning, exploring and challenging assumptions.
Occasionally I use exercises, diagrams or visual tools.
Sometimes a drinks coaster becomes part of the conversation.
Sometimes a simple question unlocks something somebody has been carrying for years.
The techniques themselves aren’t the important bit.
The thinking is.
The insight is.
The understanding is.
Why I Use PASEDA360
I’m a fully accredited PASEDA360 Advanced Practitioner.
One of the reasons I value the PASEDA360 approach is that it helps people understand the patterns they have developed throughout life.
Patterns that may once have helped them feel accepted, safe or valued.
Patterns that may now be getting in the way.
Many readers of my articles will already have come across references to the PASEDA360 Pretender Model and the four Pretender Masks:
- People Pleaser
- Perfectionist
- Persecutor of Self
- Persecutor of Others
These aren’t labels.
They aren’t diagnoses.
They are simply ways of understanding behaviours and reactions that can influence our relationships with ourselves and others.
Awareness creates choice.
And choice creates change.
Why Positive Psychology Matters
Traditional problem-solving often begins with:
“What’s wrong?”
Positive Psychology also asks:
“What’s strong?”
Both questions have value.
One of the reasons I am passionate about Positive Psychology is that it encourages people to recognise their strengths, values and resources, not just their difficulties.
Many people arrive focused entirely on what isn’t working.
Sometimes the route forward begins by recognising what is already working.
What strengths have helped you get this far?
What qualities have carried you through difficult times?
What resources do you already have available to you?
Those questions can be surprisingly powerful.
What Is Stop Being Stuck®?
The Stop Being Stuck® programme was developed by PASEDA360 founder Angela Cox.
As a PASEDA360 Advanced Practitioner, I deliver the programme with individual clients and have also adapted elements of the approach for couples coaching with Angela’s encouragement and support.
The programme helps people explore:
- Who they are today
- How they got here
- What beliefs continue to serve them
- What they may be ready to leave behind
- What comes next
It isn’t about fixing people.
People are not broken.
It’s about helping people reconnect with themselves and move forward with greater clarity.
Do Both Partners Need To Attend?
Not necessarily.
Sometimes one person comes first.
Sometimes both people attend together.
Sometimes couples coaching begins with individual sessions before moving into joint work.
Every relationship is different.
What matters most is finding the right approach for the people involved.
Even Coaches Need Coaches
One thing I share openly with clients is that I have my own coach.
Not because I’m incapable.
Not because I’m broken.
Because I’m human.
I’ve experienced periods of feeling stuck, uncertain and overwhelmed just like everybody else.
I’ve faced difficult decisions.
Major life transitions.
Health concerns within my family.
Relationship challenges.
Career changes.
The difference is that I know the value of having somebody alongside me who can help me see what I can’t see on my own.
I believe that willingness to seek support is a strength, not a weakness.
Common Questions About Coaching
Do I need to be in crisis to work with a coach?
No. Many people come to coaching long before things reach crisis point.
Is coaching the same as counselling?
No. There can be overlap, but coaching tends to focus on awareness, choices, strengths and moving forward.
What if I don’t know what I need?
That’s more common than you might think.
Can coaching help relationships?
Absolutely. Sometimes directly. Sometimes by helping one person understand themselves more clearly.
Real-Life Situations
People often arrive at coaching because:
- They’re struggling in a relationship.
- They feel stuck.
- They’re facing a major life transition.
- They’ve lost confidence.
- They need clarity.
- They want to make an important decision.
- They want more from life than simply getting through it.
Whatever the reason, coaching provides something many people are missing.
Time.
Space.
And a conversation focused entirely on them.
Related Articles
- Why Do I Feel So Stuck In Life?
- Why Is It So Hard To Feel Truly Loved?
- What Is Self-Value And Why Does It Matter?
- Why Do Good People End Up In Unhealthy Relationships?
A Final Thought
The older I get, the more I realise that most people don’t need somebody to tell them how to live their life.
What they need is space.
Space to think.
Space to reflect.
Space to understand themselves more clearly.
Because when people can finally hear themselves think, the answers they have often been searching for are usually much closer than they realised.